BlondeBashing
by Kinkajouu
Summary: Max and Spencer meet up to reminisce, but end up getting bashed by their chums for various things. Verbally, and physically. Oneshot. WARNINGS: Swearing here and there, bashing and mentions of sexytime and anal probing. Don't. Ask.


- Max and Spencer meet up to reminisce, but end up getting bashed by their chums for various things. Verbally, and physically. Oneshot.

- Warnings: Maybe little bits of swearing here and there, Max-bashing, Spencer-bashing, and Miguel-who's-already-been-bashed, mentions of anal-probing, and manlove sexytime… Maybe this should be rated M! XD

- Disclaimer: Not mine.

- A/N: Do you want to know how this story came about? It was MarianQ's fault. Well, it's was my fault, too, as we were having a conversation (through PM's), and the topic of blonde-bashing came up. Well, it started off as Max getting bashed in her story, and Spencer getting bashed in my story, so then we made the term 'blonde-bashing'. I shouldn't talk to MarianQ… She gives me ideas XD Only joking, love! Enjoy this story of silliness!

* * *

**Blonde-Bashing**

Max sighed with content as he plopped himself down on a bench in the park. He had just received news from Kai that the Blitzkrieg Boyz were back in town for a fortnight, as were many other teams that they knew.

Max had immediately phoned Tala at the hotel they were staying (it hadn't taken him long to find out which hotel they were staying in, or the phone number) and asked the Russian if they wanted to meet up. Tala and Bryan declined, but Spencer said it would be nice to see Max again. So, Max arranged to meet Spencer in the park… Right about now.

"Yo," Spencer said to Max, announcing his present.

"Long time no see," Max smiled, as the giant blonde sat down next to him.

"Yeah," Spencer replied.

Max stared up at Spencer, and frowned.

"Why do you have a mouldy carrot stuck to your head?"

"Just… Don't ask," Spencer replied, looking up at said mouldy carrot and going cross-eyed.

Max sniggered, and tore his gaze away from Spencer's carrot. Now that he'd met up with the Russian, he was at a loss for things to say. He'd never talked to Spencer much (Spencer not being that talkable…), but had always had a soft spot for him. Hell, Max had a soft spot for everyone. Except Ming-Ming. She was probably the one person he couldn't stand. Especially if she sang.

"So what you been up to?" Max asked, breaking the silence.

"Nothing much… Beyblading, scaring people, bashing Bryan… Getting bashed…"

"Fun," Max said.

"Yeah. How about you?"

Spencer instantly regretted asking Max what he'd been up to.

"Well, I've eaten lots of sweets, currently my favourite is the popping candy. I've had about 4 boxes - yes, boxes - so far today, and I'm all hyperfide. Then there was my 16th birthday party - that was a lot of fun. I invited almost everyone I know, but I couldn't invite you guys, because you never left your phone numbers, so I was hoping that Kai or someone would phone you and tell you to come, but obviously he didn't because you never showed up. I had a massive birthday cake. It was in the shape of the Tardis from Doctor Who. And then there was all my presents. Ooooh it was so much fun! And we played Pass The Parcel, and we forced Kai to play because he wasn't going to otherwise. And my Mum actually showed up for once, which was fab."

Spencer looked at Max incredulously, and wondered how one person could talk so much in the space of thirty seconds. He changed the subject.

"You made Hiwatari play Pass The Parcel?"

"Yup. And he liked it! I think…"

"He liked it?"

"He got a lollipop, so I assume so."

Somehow, Spencer just couldn't imagine Kai sitting there with a bunch of other teenagers playing Pass The Parcel, with a lollipop in his mouth, and actually enjoying it.

"Then we had a jelly and ice cream competition…" Max said dreamily. "It was fantastic. It was close, but in the end Tyson won."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Spencer rolled his eyes. "Did Kai join in with the jelly and ice cream competition, too?"

"No… He walked out after we forced him to play Pin The Tail On The Donkey."

Spencer snorted. He _so_ wished he'd been at Max's party, just for the hilarity value of things. He was going to take the piss out of Kai something chronic when he next saw him…

Another silence washed over the two boys again, making Max shift uncomfortably. He hated the silence. If he ruled the world, everyone would talk non-stop, and just eat sweets for breakfast, lunch and tea.

As they just sat there, Miguel went riding past on a little pink bike made for a five-year-old girl. Spencer and Max raised their eyebrows as he rode past as fast as he could (I.e. not very fast), and noticed that his hair was messed up and that he was covered in bruises. As Miguel rode away into the distance at his steady pace, Max and Spencer looked back in the direction he'd come from. They could hear what sounded like a stampede coming towards them.

They turned back to watch Miguel ride off into the distance, only to be face to face with him. How the Hell did he get back next to them so quickly!? And without them noticing?!

"You'd better move," Miguel said, eyeing up Spencer's carrot.

"Why?" Max enquired.

"What happened to you?" Spencer asked, knowing Miguel was looking at his carrot.

"_They_ happened to me," Miguel replied, nodding in the direction of the stampede. "Someone's started a sport called 'Blonde-Bashing'. I tried telling them that I was only half blonde, but that still counts apparently. So that's why you'd better move!"

Miguel nodded to them, and saluted, still looking at Spencer's carrot. He cycled back off in the opposite direction to the stampede, and Max and Spencer looked at each other, eyebrows still raised.

The two boys continued watching in the direction of the stampede, and soon saw a lot of people running towards them. Some of them were even people they knew! At the front of the pack, was Bryan. And Tyson.

"Oh, shit," Spencer and Max said simultaneously.

"GET BACK HERE, UNICORN MAN!" Bryan yelled, as Spencer and Max started running away.

"Unicorn?" Max asked as he and Spencer ran for their lives.

"I accidentally glued Bryan's ears on upside-down. He got his own back by gluing a carrot to my head, and now calls me 'Unicorn Man'," Spencer replied. "In here."

Spencer quickly grabbed Max, and ran into the bushes. They were surrounded by trees and overgrowing weeds, so it was difficult to see them. Spencer knew that the angry mob had seen that they'd come into the bushes, and would follow. Spencer shuffled along in the overgrowth, and motioned for Max to follow.

Once Spencer thought that they were out of range of the mob, he straightened up, bringing Max with him.

"Aha!" Shouted Bryan, who just happened to be right next to them. "I have you now!"

Bryan slapped Spencer round the face, and Max gasped in shock. Bryan then began double slapping Spencer continuously, talking as he did so.

"This. And. This. And. This. And. This. Is. For. Gluing. My. Fucking. Ears. On. Upside. Down. You. Silly. Knob. Jockey."

Max just raised his eyebrows as Spencer just stood there and took it all. Max began to back away, hoping that Bryan wouldn't notice, and thought he was going to get away until he backed into something warm. And hard. And called Kai.

"Ah… Kai… How lovely to see you," Max said, spinning round to face the violet-eyed boy, who looked a bit pissed off.

"I wish I could say the same," Kai replied.

"Er, why's that."

"You made me play Pass The bloody Parcel at your party. And then you made me try and pin a tail on a stupidly-drawn donkey. Blindfolded! And now every fucker is taking the piss out of me."

"Language, Kai. This is a kid's story," Tala said, appearing from nowhere.

"Er, what are you two going to do with that hair dye…?" Max asked nervously.

"It shouldn't be the hair dye you're worried about. It should be the anal probe in my pocket," Kai said.

"Kai, for crying out loud!" Tala exclaimed.

"Sorry."

Max looked genuinely worried now, and tried to escape, but Kai and Tala had gotten a firm grip on him. Spencer, meanwhile, was being tickled into oblivion by Bryan, who seemed to have found Spencer's weakness. Who says you have to hurt someone to bash them?

Tala and Kai advanced on Max with the hair dye, and Max noticed that it was blue. He tried to plead for mercy, but no sound could come out of his mouth. He tried to use his puppy eyes, but it was too late.

* * *

The next day, Max was sat on the same bench in the park, at the same time, meeting the same person. Spencer had said that he'd be embarrassed to emerge without his carrot, but agreed to meet Max all the same.

Spencer slid down onto the bench next to Max somewhat gingerly. Max gave him and enquiring look, but said nothing. Max then looked where Spencer's carrot used to be, and there was a red circle-shaped mark. It looked sore, and a bit infected.

"Bryan ripped it off last night, saying I didn't deserve to be a unicorn, because I was abusing my magical powers," Spencer explained, noticing that Max was looking at his forehead. "I think he may have taken something yesterday, to be honest…"

"Tala and Kai got me with the dye," Max said.

"Where…? Your hair isn't blue…" Spencer said, looking at the yellow hair on top of Max's head.

"No, but my armpit hair and pubes are," Max said miserably. "You don't even want to know what they did with the anal probe."

Spencer choked on the drink he was drinking (like many other people, he had the ability to whip items out of thin air). Max raised his eyebrows at Spencer, but didn't say anything. He'd found that he'd been incredibly quiet since the day before.

"Why are you shuffling around, anyway?" Max asked.

"You honestly don't want to know what Bryan did to me last night."

As the silence washed over them again, and Spencer shuffled around some more, Miguel came riding up to them, on the same little pink bike he was on yesterday. Max raised his eyebrows.

"Didn't they bash you?" Miguel asked Max.

"Oh, they bashed me all right," Max replied darkly.

"They clearly got you," Miguel said to Spencer.

"Yup."

"Miguel, can I ask you something?" Max asked.

"Go for it."

"Why are you riding a little pink bike around?"

"Because the girl who owned it before was blonde and had just gotten bashed. Not seriously, of course. She was only little! But she said to me, "go… Save yourself… Take my bike", so I did."

"And how old was this girl?"

"About 3?"

"And she said "save yourself"?"

"Yup."

"Are you lying?"

"Nope."

"Why haven't you given her the bike back?"

"I can't find her. Anyway, it's my bike now… I'm rather attached to it."

"THERE'S THE BLONDE BOY WHO STOLE MY BIKE! BASH HIM!"

"Crap," Miguel muttered under his breath.

Miguel then hopped onto the little pink bike, and rode off. Max and Spencer rose their eyebrows, and couldn't help feeling as though it was Miguel's fault that people were bashing the blondes. They watched as the little girl ran past, and weren't amazed to find that she was just a bit older than 3 years old. More like 6 years old.

"There's two more blondes!" someone shouted in the mob behind the little girl.

Max and Spencer watched in horror as half of the mob changed direction, and started running towards them. They got up off the bench, and ran for their lives, vowing to dye their hair brown later on.

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A/N: I was listening to 'I'm Not Okay (I Promise)' by My Chemical Romance whilst writing this story. Yes, it was on repeat. In all honesty, it was a good song to listen to whilst writing this story. It made me giggle, because I was getting images in my head… XD Actually… That song has just given a fabulous idea for 'Chronicles Of Max'… XD

Spencer's carrot and Bryan's ears… Yes, I didn't mean for that to be in this story, but it gave Bryan a good reason to bash Spencer.

Review?


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